Devin Kelley, the man who killed over two dozen people in a Texas church recently, is another example of how mass shooters often commit crimes of domestic violence first. According to the New York Times in an article published on November 6th, 2017:
“In 2012, while stationed at Holloman Air Force Base in New Mexico, Mr. Kelley was charged with assault, according to Air Force records, which said he had repeatedly struck, kicked and choked his first wife beginning just months into their marriage, and hit his stepson’s head with what the Air Force described as “a force likely to produce death or grievous bodily harm.”
In Ethical Culture & Humanism, and other traditions such as Buddhism, sometimes the moral teachings include the idea that compassion should be extended to everyone, without exception. Even those who commit terrible acts of violence.
This is of course compatible with taking steps to prevent or punish violent acts. We might imprison such people (almost always men), or even have to kill them in self-defense or in the defense of others. But, according to these teachings, this must always be done with some sense of regret, never with a vengeful satisfaction, and with a willingness to believe that there was a great potential for good that was tragically lost, or perverted to evil.
I must admit that I have a great deal of difficulty feeling any compassion for Devin Kelley, but I think that there are times when some men, especially those who may have been traumatized and hardened by war or other military experiences, experience a profound loneliness, and sense of desperation. As though they are on one side of an abyss, and all of humanity is on the other. I think it may be difficult sometimes for women to understand the depth of this kind of emotional isolation.
This sense of desperation can develop into a rage which, coupled with a self-image that identifies male efficacy and self-esteem with violence, has suicidal and murderous results. The easy availability of guns in the United States doesn’t help matters, obviously.
I wonder what others think about whether compassion should be extended to absolutely everyone.
I also wonder about how, instead of blaming men collectively, our culture could better channel the powerful emotions men feel, to prevent perversions to antisocial, homicidal and suicidal behavior.
The best I can do in trying to develop compassion for men like Devin Kelly is to imagine that, in a culture that affirms masculinity in positive ways rather than in harmful ways, if not denigrating it altogether, he might have been able to see himself as someone who could connect with other people, without feeling that he is losing an essential sense of individual identity and independence that men must have.
He might have been a great guy, a good buddy and a real man.
